And So My Knees are Grey

10-16-13

In April of this year I noticed my knees aching more than normal.  Every time I would sit down there would be a sharp pain in my knees.  Like my wrists, I figured I curled up in a ball at night to deal with the stresses of this world, (I have no idea why I do this at night, but I do.  I clench my teeth and curl my hands....and the next day my jaw and wrists ache....love it. )  So I thought I was just curling up too much at night and I started wearing knee braces to bed to try to heal my legs.   My husband made fun of my nighttime garb of braces on both knees and both wrists.  It's too bad I don't have a mouth guard.  I tried to do that, but I just gagged on it and decided to train myself to stop clenching.

When that didn't work, we went to our doctor and he gave me some steroid that kind of helped, but didn't solve the problem.  He then referred me to an orthepedic surgeon.  This guy was a young doctor who was probably good at what he was good at, but after x-rays, an mri, and more medicine he didn't have an answer for us.  He told us it was more than likely patellar tendinitis and that it would take months to heal.  He said, "I had tendinitis in my ankle and it took months for mine to heal and I didn't have five kids."  Which means, good luck being in pain.   Brian asked him if we could get pain medicine to help me be a mom, but he said it would be too long that I would need it and I would get addicted.  He did tell me I could take Tylenol for the pain.  I settled on half a baby aspirin instead. :p

After Brian took a week off of work to let me rest to see if I could heal by not moving, we called our relief society.  They helped with babysitting and meals a few times a week and I was able to rest more.  My friend who had had extensive knee problems her whole life called me and told me that I need to go to her doctor who is a knee specialist.  Thank heaven for her referral!

We got into Dr Cooley at the beginning of August and he took new x-rays and quickly told us that my cartilage is cracking and chipping.  We were so excited to know what was actually wrong!  Brian even tripped over a stool in the office because he was so distracted with his excitement.

We did physical therapy for about a month and a half.  There they taught me exercises and scraped my legs to smooth out the scar tissue that had built up in my legs.

We went to Dr Cooley again in the middle of September and he told us that surgery was needed to fix the problem.  We scheduled surgery for the end of September, then for the beginning of October, and now it is scheduled for the beginning of November.  We kept pushing it out because our insurance and job situation were up in the air.  Now we wish we would have just done the surgery in September.

A few weeks ago I went in and got cortisone shots in my knees to help me get through the rest of the month before surgery.   But now that we've done that we can't do surgery until November because you have to wait awhile after you get shots.  Ugh.  They haven't done amazingly well for me.  I never swelled before, but now my legs swell.  They just really hurt.

We have bought a rec center pass and I take Ella and Alison to the daycare at the rec center three times a week so I can strengthen my legs.  I have used my body so much in the last ten years and I haven't been strengthening it at all.  I don't know why it was so hard for me to learn.  Maybe our circumstances just did't mesh, but I wish I would have been going to the rec center and doing the day care from the time that Heber was six weeks old!  Being a mom, besides being pregnant, is SUCH a physical job.  Especially having my last four kids so fast.  I am just depleted.

It has been hard for me mentally to accept these limitations.  I've had so many medical problems in the last four years.  Before I had the knee problems Brian and I would joke about me finally catching a break and not have to go to the doctor every few weeks for some new ailment.

I have learned to push through sickness and physical pain.  I think this has been good to an extent, but it has also left me so physically weak.  There were days where I would literally not sit down until fifteen minutes before bed time at 10:30 at night.  I was constantly up and down and walking around taking care of everything all day every day.  It doesn't surprise me that I have a wear and tear injury.

I have learned that you aren't gaining anything by pushing off strengthening yourself.  If you aren't going to pay for a babysitter or a gym pass, or figure out a way to exercise at home (something I could never figure out with so many tiny little ones) then you will pay for doctors and physical therapy and surgery.

Today has been a bad knee day.  I hurt.  My body wants to give up.  I'm okay with the idea of dying now.  :)  I really believe that the pioneers who died before they got to their destination were pretty lucky.  Constant physical pain and constant responsibilities are overwhelming.